


Diamond Hunters

by Worlds_First_Ghost



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternia, Beaches, Blood and Gore, Break Up, Comfort No Hurt, Confrontations, Developing Friendships, Ejaculate, F/M, Female Ejaculation, Fluff, Forests, Hand Jobs, Infidelity, Mild Smut, Moirails With Pails, Pale Porn (Homestuck), Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Strangulation, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-04-06 04:34:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19055329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Worlds_First_Ghost/pseuds/Worlds_First_Ghost
Summary: When Feferi tells Eridan to make some new friends, he gets blocked by everyone. Except Nepeta. What starts as a reluctant friendship will eventually change into something much more complicated





	1. The Hunt

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling  cuttlefishCuller [CC]

CA: hey fef  
CC: )(i!  
CA: hi  
CC: W)(at's up??  
CA: nothin much  
CC: 38/  
CC: Are we really going to go t)(roug)( t)(is w)(ole mopey cagey routine AGAIN?  
CA: i dont knoww wwhat youre talkin about  
CC: O)( please! You only ever message me w)(en you’ve got somet)(ing on your t)(ink pan, you’re so transparent! Can we just avoid t)(is rigmarole for once and get to t)(e point?  
CA: wwoww thats a slanderous assumption youre makin there  
CA: i aint tryin to hide anythin from you alls i wwant is a fuckin convversation  
CA: am i not allowwed to partake in such pleasures anymore  
CC: You can! But t)(e t)(ing is t)(at it feels like I'm t)(e only person you ever talk to.  
CA: not true i convverse wwith pretty much evveryone in our inner circle its just one can only chat wwith the rabble for so long  
CA: wwhy bother associatin wwith any a them wwhen youre the only one thats of a caliber wworthy of my attention  
CC: >38(  
CC: Maybe if you'd just G-ET OV-ER YOURS)(-ELLF you'd realize t)(at t)(ere's a lot more about people t)(an w)(at color t)(eir blood is.  
CC: Look, it can't be )(ealt)(y to just limit your social interactions wit)( only one ot)(er person, rig)(t? I t)(ink it would do us bot)( good to give ourselves some space.  
CA: oh shit i see wwhats really goin on here  
CA: youre tryin to ditch me  
CA: no need to act so polite about it i alwways knowwn it wwould be a matter a time before you had enough a my wwallowwin and kicked me to the side wwith all the rubbish  
CA: wwhich is wwhere i truly belong accordin to you  
CC: -Eridan, PL----EAS-----E!!!  
CC: -----Enoug)( of t)(e t)(eatrics!  
CC: You don't need to get so worked up over t)(is! You and I are fine, our relations)(ip isn't in jeopardy, and I will continue to lend an earfin w)(enever you need someone to talk to.  
CA: you do a real fuckin stellar job at soundin convvincin there fef  
CA: but for the sake a decency and civvility ill trust your wword  
CC: )(owever! All I'm trying to say is t)(at it mig)(t do you some good to start making more friends and improving your social life.  
CA: ivve got plenty a friends didnt you read wwhat i said earlier  
CC: Mm)(m. But by t)(e sound of it, you don't know many of t)(em well enoug)(, ot)(erwise you wouldn't be so conc)(descending towards t)(em.  
CA: bluh  
CC: Come on! )(aving lots of people to talk to is fun! It can be ----EXCITING to get to know people better.  
CA: yeah yeah fine  
CA: if you insist on bein so fuckin persistent  
CA: ill look into it  
CC: GR---EAT! 38D  
CC: Let me know )(ow t)(ings turn out!  


cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased being trolled by caligulasAquarium [CA]

Eridan glared at the parting fuchsia text for a solid minute before closing the chat window. It had only occurred to him afterwards that he never got around to mentioning why he messaged her in the first place. That was probably for the best, as he had no reason at all; messaging her was merely his first course of action for whenever he was feeling especially lonesome. This particular exchange had been repeating itself for the past couple of days, so it was unsurprising to him that she’d eventually end it by trying to foist him onto someone else. Still, wasn’t the whole point of moirallegiance to put up with your partner, even if they were being excessively overbearing? It would’ve been easy enough to remind her of that during their conversation, but he had decided against it. She was simply playing the part of a concerned moirail offering advice to help him get his shit together. Arguing with her while she held the moral high ground would only further make him out as the bad guy. It was an unwinnable situation. As great as he was at strategizing and outwitting his opponents, she simply had him beat when it came to knowing how this insipid quadrant works.

Eridan plucked the glasses from his face and wiped them with his scarf. The ChumpRoll on his monitor coalesced into a swirling watercolor haze. The screen shot back into focus once he put his glasses back on, but the selection of names before him still looked as unappealing as before. How was he going to act open and chummy when he didn’t even message more than half of these assholes on a regular basis? He scanned through the list of names multiple times, desperately trying to discern who among them he was most familiar with. Eventually, he managed to form a sort of mental checklist based on who he messaged the most, and it wasn’t long before he cast his first lure.

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling  arachnidsGrip [AG]

CA: hey mindfang  
AG: Oh my gooooooood.  
AG: And here I was thinking that I was going to have a day where most annoying 8ulgesucker on the planet didn't pester me at all for once. Guess we can't have that, can we!?  
CA: oh spare me your barbs wwe havvent evven spoken in wweeks  
CA: you knoww wwhat they say about absence makin the pump groww scornful or wwhatevver so its probably at the point wwhere wwere both just about boilin ovver wwith steamin pitch rancor for each other  
CA: so wwhat do you say can i expect you ovver at my place later today  
AG: Get 8ent!!!!!!!!  


arachnidsGrip [AG] blocked caligulasAquarium [CA]

The next series of attempted encounters followed a similar pattern. He was lucky if he could type a few sentences before his unfortunate recipient would block him. As he continued to cross names off his list, it reached a point where there was one troll left who hadn’t blocked him: arsenicCatnip. Eridan’s lips pursed as he stared at the olive colored name. He wasn’t even sure if he remembered her actual name; he only referenced her mentally as the kitty cat shipper cave girl. There was no doubt that this would end badly, but at least he could always go back to Feferi and tell her that he didn’t have any luck afterwards. She’d have no choice but to take him back. With that in mind, Eridan leaned back in his chair and opened a new chat window, preparing himself for the worst.

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling  arsenicCatnip [AC]

CA: hey uh  
CA: nep right  
CA: wwhats up  
AC: :33 < *acs ears purrk up in curiosity upon s33ing her new fishy visitor*  
AC: :33 < *ac sprints eagerly about her warm, enticing cave to furnish her surroundings for her guest*  
AC: :33 < *it is not often that she has nobility over so she puts in an extra effurt to make things look fantastic!*  
CA: oh swweet fuckin murder  
CA: is this wwhat my life has come to  
CA: look i appreciate the fact that you knoww your place around aristocracy but if youre expectin me to partake in this disgustin display of intercourse then youre about to be sevverely disappointed  
AC: :(( < oh *ac says in dejection*  
AC: :33 < oops forget that last part  
AC: :33 < its b33n so long since weve spoken that i furgot whether or not you liked to role play or not  
AC: :33 < its very confusing, especially since you wear that very regal looking cape all the time  
CA: yeah yeah i do make a concerted effort to look impeccable that should be taken for granted  
CA: all the great leaders of our society kneww of the importance of keepin up appearances so that their subjects are kept in a perpetual state of awwe and subjugation wwhen gazin upon their vvisage  
AC: :33 < ah i s33, so you like to cosplay then? thats sort of like role play!  
CA: no god dammit those twwo things are not similar in the least  
CA: wwhy do you insist on entrappin yourself in this fantastical bullshit i mean evven you cant be stupid enough to think any a this is real  
AC: :33 < no, but its fun to purrtend!  
CA: alright wwell is there anything else you do that isnt prancin about in your fakey fake pretend wworld  
AC: :33 < i like to draw! the walls of my cave are covered in art that i made myself  
AC: :33 < surely a snooty snob like you can appurrciate something like that!  
CA: wwell in a wway youre not wwrong  
CA: of course its beneath someone like me to wwaste time dabblin in such crafts  
CA: makin art is a job for people in your caste as for people like me our only job is to hang it on a wwall and critique it  
CA: besides it should be common knowwledge that the wwritten wword is far superior to any scribble you or anyone else could create  
AC: :33 < guh, books are so boring!  
CA: thats demonstrably false try readin a historical autobiography once in your life and youll maybe learn something wworthwwhile  
AC: :33 < why are you so obsessed with the past anyway? dont you have any real hobbies?  
CA: wwell i hunt on occasion if that meets your inane criteria for hobbies  
AC: :33 < really?? how very purrculiar! *as it just so happens that ac is an aclawmplished hunter in her own right!*  
CA: wwell if that aint that most comical claim ivve read in this entire convversation then wwed better stop noww before i lose my god damn mind  
AC: :33 < its true though! hunting is one of my most favoritest things to do!  
AC: :33 < you should come join me some time! it sounds like something youd enjoy too  
CA: i mean sure wwhy not its not like i got anything more productivve to do or anything  
AC: :33 < great! come stop by my cave as soon as you can  
CA: wwhat no i didnt mean that in earnest  
AC: :33 < ill be ready whenever you get here!  


arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased being trolled by caligulasAquarium [CA]

Eridan stuck his fingers underneath his glasses and pressed them against his eyelids. That ended badly, all right, but not in the way he was anticipating. Served him right for being sarcastic, he supposed. After a dramatically long sigh, he got up from his chair and left his room to go saddle up his lusus. If this is what it took to get to know somebody better, he only hoped that Feferi appreciated the amount of effort he was putting in for this farce.

The twin moons had reached their apex in the velvety, purple sky by the time the skyhorse had reached the ocean’s end. Its white form shone nearly as bright as the moons themselves as it shot over the coast and soared towards the woods. Eridan held the reins steady as they passed over a blanket of trees, only signaling a descent once they started to thin and the craggy mountains that marked the exterior of Nepeta’s hive came into view. Outside of FLARP campaigns, he’d never travel this far inland unless it was for a good reason; he hoped this little hunting trip would warrant that much. The quarry of the ocean was a more convenient food source for Feferi’s lusus, not to mention that the largest aquatic fauna outweighed anything that could be found on land. Sea trolls also didn’t tend to venture too far from the ocean without adequate protection for fear of being assaulted by disgruntled land dwellers. Eridan, on the other hand, banked on the possibility of gunning down anyone who dared try to confront him. They’d merely be the first steps towards his eventual genocide.

Eridan dismounted his lusus at the mouth of Nepeta’s cave. Beyond the entrance was only a murky sea of darkness; one would’ve been forgiven if they thought an actual wild animal dwelled here instead. Eridan searched for any sort of doorbell or alert device on the featureless mountainside to no avail.

“Hello? You there, Nep?” he hollered into the void. No response, save for his own echo, was received. Eridan rolled his eyes and retrieved his phone out of his sylladex. Hopefully she’d respond if he messaged her.

While Eridan was typing up his impatient message, a pair of golden eyes peered at him within the sprawling mass of leaves and branches behind him. Nepeta’s body trembled with excitement, but she took care not to disturb any part of the surrounding bush. This was the first time anyone had ever agreed to go hunting with her, and the anticipation made it so that she couldn’t help but get into character even before they got started. In her mind, she was the mighty hunter, patiently waiting for her prey to be thoroughly distracted before she made her move. The muscles in her legs clenched and held for a few more moments before flexing out and propelling her out of her cover. Her arms were outstretched and her mouth was wide open in a grin, ready to wrap Eridan up in a tacklepounce.

Eridan’s earfin twitched at the explosion of leaves behind him. A wild animal? An assassin? Whatever it was, he wouldn’t grace them the opportunity to strike. In one fluid motion, he retrieved Ahab’s Crosshairs, pivoted 180 degrees on his heel, and took aim. His finger was already squeezing the trigger by the time he realized what, or rather who, was in his line of fire. The rifle emitted a deadly, high-pitched whirr as a storm of glowing energy violently swirled at the end of its harpoon-shaped barrel. A voiceless curse blew past Eridan’s lips as he desperately wrenched the gun to the right, but it was already in the process of firing.

Nepeta, whose reflexes were just about as keen as Eridan’s, felt cold horror wash over her face once she saw the gun being trained on her. In a panicked display of quick reflex, she twisted her body to the left in the hope that she could change her trajectory and avoid the shot. The gun fired with a crackling thunderclap that pounded her eardrums. Nepeta’s eyes clenched shut, partly from fear and also due to the blinding flash of white and blue that enveloped her vision. She felt a stream of searing heat pass her by, mere inches away from scorching her belly. It arced through the air until it reached the bush she had emerged from, incinerating it in a blast of lightning and fire.

Due to her last-minute dodge, Nepeta was sent sailing a few inches past Eridan’s side. But one of her outstretched arms managed to sideswipe him, knocking him off his feet and pulling him down to the dirt alongside her. Nepeta shakily brought herself to her feet and stared at the bush. Nothing but a black, smoldering crater full of ash remained. Billows of dark smoke spewed forth from the cauterized earth and drifted past the treetops. She turned back to Eridan and snarled.

“What the hell is wrong with you!?”

Eridan pushed himself off the ground and dusted off his pants. “What are you so angry about? Didn’t your flea-bitten lusus ever teach you not to sneak up on a troll when they’re clearly armed?”

“But you… you almost killed me!” She was visibly shaking at this point, the image of the crater still fresh in her mind’s eye. The fact that that was almost her turned her gut to stone.

“Yeah well, it’s not my fault I’m only obeyin’ my honed instinct as a hunter and a self-taught warrior. My rifle’s an extension of my body, which is a full-fledged dangerous weapon on its own merit.”

Nepeta’s balled fists trembled at her sides. No wonder Equius always told her to stay away from this guy and all the others who played FLARP with him. It was almost like her life was in danger simply by associating with him. “Ugh! Forget it, this was a bad idea!” she huffed and turned towards her cave. “The hunt is off. You should just go home now.”

“No wait!” Eridan threw his hands up in a placating gesture. There was a small part of him that felt a tiny bit guilty for almost killing her, even though he naturally wouldn’t admit fault. “Look, maybe we got off on the wrong foot here. I’m truly, sincerely sorry you nearly got yourself eviscerated. And since it would’ve been by my hand, I figure it’d only be decent of me to rectify this mishap by accompanyin’ you on the venture you originally had planned.”

Nepeta frowned. Eridan had a funny way of apologizing, but at least he seemed sincere. Besides, maybe she was partly to blame for spooking him like that. They had never role played properly before; she should’ve known that he wasn’t the type to have fun. Perhaps this hunting trip could be a good exercise to make him less of a sourpuss.

“Okay, apurrlogy accepted!” Nepeta said, her smile now returned to her. “We shouldn’t waste any more time here. The sooner we head out, the better chance we get of finding something.”

Eridan breathed a sigh of relief. The drama had been successfully averted. “Yeah, good idea. Give me a sec.” He strutted over to his lusus and adjusted its saddle.

Nepeta’s eyes widened upon seeing the skyhorse, not having noticed it earlier. “Aww, your lusus is so handsome!”

“And very distinguished. You could say we got that in common.”

“Yeah, like your long faces, too!” Nepeta snickered.

Eridan’s eyes momentarily bulged out before a scowl took over his face. His cape flourished behind him as he turned away from her. He then palmed his cheek before slowly moving his hand against the side of his head. She was obviously just trying to rile him up; his face was immaculate.

“Anyways,” Nepeta resumed, “you’re purrobably better off just leaving him here. I don’t know how well you’d meowneuver around these trees while on his back.”

Eridan scoffed and spun back around to face her. “Hunting without a mount? What kinda untrained lowlife do you take me for? It’s like you want your quarry to have an advantage over you.”

“Not really. I hunt without Pounce lots of times, it’s easy!”

Eridan rolled his eyes. As much as he’d love to argue this point further, his relative inexperience in hunting on land made him more inclined to follow her advice. “All right, lead the way then.”

With a nod of acknowledgement, Nepeta crouched and sprung forward into the undergrowth. Eridan plodded close behind, hugging his rifle to his chest. There was something about being forced to rely on his own two feet that made him feel so vulnerable. The endless curtain of trees also made it so he could barely see three feet ahead of himself, least of all Nepeta, who kept bounding ahead without even checking if he was following her or not. Once he lost sight of her, he had to rely on the sound of her hands and feet stomping about on the forest floor, but even these noises faded into the maze of trees.

Eridan stopped, planning to troll Nepeta and tell her to come back. The stillness of the woods was shattered by a cracked branch. Eridan spun around to see a large cholerbear, its mammoth outline barely concealed by the tree trunks. Eridan had little experience with cholerbears, or any land creatures in general. They merely existed as vague, textual concepts that roamed the pages of his history books. Eridan froze in place, but the creature didn’t appear to notice him. Its beady eyes blinked slowly, as if trying to focus on what was in front of them. Eridan could surmise that it didn’t rely on eyesight to hunt its prey. The bear grunted as a large intake of air was sucked into its flared nostrils, only to turn to face Eridan in that moment. It placed a paw forward, the leaves and branches underneath it crackling like miniature artillery.

Eridan’s quaking arms struggled to get his rifle into proper position. The bear advanced at a cautious, steady pace, but every lumbering step caused Eridan to lose focus and start the process of aiming at it all over again. Once the creature was only a few feet away from him, Eridan managed to secure a trembling aim on its forehead, only for it to stand up on its hind legs. He cursed his hands for shaking this hard; he had taken down whales and other horrors many times larger than this thing. With a frustrated grunt, he readjusted his aim and fired in spite of himself. He was too hasty, though, and the bolt careened past the cholerbear’s head and demolished a nearby tree. The acrid stench of blood and singed fur hit Eridan’s nose; he had only managed to shoot off its ear.

The beast roared in pain and slammed its forelegs back to the ground. The earth rumbled under its weight and the trees rustled as several birds evacuated them, their shrill cries blaring out a warning to others. The bear advanced and Eridan took a step back only for his foot to get caught in a gnarled root. He tumbled backwards and landed right on his ass, dropping his rifle in the process. This was it, he realized as the bear loomed over him, this was how he was going to die.

As the cholerbear raised its massive paw to strike, a small, green blur drilled into its right side, sending the beast tumbling onto its back. Eridan untangled his foot and righted himself to witness the bizarre spectacle before him. Nepeta was straddling the bear’s stomach, her claws held high and directed downward at the animal’s neck. The bear bellowed in defiance, but was silenced once a clawed hand plunged into its throat. Nepeta tore out its esophagus, sending out a geyser of blood. Eridan stepped back to avoid the spray, but Nepeta herself was drenched. The creature voicelessly gasped and its burly limbs twitched for a few seconds before it finally fell still. Nepeta turned to face Eridan, her face painted with ochre-colored blood. A gleaming white smile shone through the muck and she giggled.

“See? There’s nothing to it!” She wiggled the dangling flesh tube in front of Eridan before batting it with her free hand like a cat with a piece of string.

Eridan’s mouth had been hanging open during the entire struggle, but he regained himself by tossing his scarf over his shoulder. “Well… that was pretty impressive. For a land dweller, that is. I’ve taken down plenty of beasts bigger than that in the ocean.”

Nepeta wiped some of the blood off her face. “Really? That’s cool! You should take me to see some time.” Before Eridan could respond, she crawled off the cholerbear and began hoisting the creature onto her back. “But anyway, help me carry this to my hive. This’ll be so much easier with another purrson!”

Eridan grimaced, but reluctantly walked to the other side of the carcass and grabbed its hind legs. As the two trekked back to the cave with their payload, Nepeta in the front and Eridan bringing up the rear, Eridan was thankful that Nepeta wasn’t able to see how big his smile was.


	2. The Choice

“Eridan, over there!”

Nepeta pointed down at the ocean, her finger soon followed by the point of Ahab’s Crosshairs. They fixated on an unusually choppy patch of the ocean below, which then erupted in a cloud of frothy waves. The lingering curtain of water and mist dissipated to reveal the massive head of a sea serpent, its glossy white eyes rolling about in their sockets before turning upward to meet its pursuers. The skyhorse hovered several yards above the creature, well out of its striking range. On its back sat Eridan, one hand clutching the reins and the other holding his rifle, and Nepeta, whose arms were wrapped around her companion’s midsection. It was a little awkward riding with two people, but it was the only way that Eridan could ensure Nepeta’s safety. Even though he was forced to sit on the very edge of the saddle and she still had to keep a very firm grip to avoid falling off, they barely managed to fit on the lusus’s back. Fortunately, it didn’t seem to mind the extra weight.

Through the rifle’s scope, Eridan stared down his quarry. The serpent met his gaze for a few tense seconds before diving under the safety of the waves. Its monstrous silhouette was scarcely visible as it snaked beneath the water’s surface. It twisted and thrashed in a chaotic, disjointed manner, changing its direction several times over and making it hard for Eridan to keep it in his sights. All it took was one incorrect prediction, a twitch in the wrong direction, for him to lose vision of it completely.

Gritting his serrated teeth, Eridan shifted his eyes towards Nepeta, who had been tracking the creature alongside him. While she had no experience hunting in the ocean, she instinctively saw how this animal used the water in the same way that her usual prey would use the cover of the brush to conceal their movements. She wasn’t so easily fooled by its evasive maneuvers, keeping a steady line of sight a few feet in front of its shadow in order to anticipate any last second turns. As soon as the serpent began to slow down, lured into a false sense of safety, Nepeta successfully pointed it out to Eridan. He grunted and tugged the reins to signal a descent. Although he’d have to admit to her merits as a tracker, he’d be quicker to blame his poor eyesight as a handicap.

The roar of collapsing waves intensified the further they dropped and the cool, salty mist that sprayed forth coated their skin. Eridan pulled the reins once more and they were now hovering only a couple feet above the ocean. With the serpent’s shimmering shadow now plainly visible, Eridan adjusted his aim accordingly and pressed his finger against the trigger. The Crosshairs responded with a low hum, its luminous tip cutting through the fog. Nepeta squeezed him tightly, but his aim remained undeterred. It would not be too long before their prey would take the bait.

The shadowy form beneath them turned and stared from under its cover. Although Eridan couldn’t see its eyes, he imagined that they were locked in another staring contest beyond the murky barrier between them. The stillness would be shattered once the serpent lunged forth with a torrential splash, opening its gargantuan maw to display its innumerable rows of curved, needle-like teeth. The skyhorse instinctively shot up to dodge, which Eridan anticipated and took as his cue to fire. The electrified bolt shot out with a deafening crack, piercing the creature right under its lower jaw and striking the water behind it. The momentum carried the dying beast through its charge before it crashed back down and was swallowed by the sea. A radiating pool of purple blood rose to the top of the waves, the only fleeting evidence of its existence.

“Wow!” Nepeta cried out. She bounced enthusiastically and her hold on Eridan tightened. “That was incredible! Too bad we didn’t get to eat that though. I wonder what it tastes like.”

“Well, that’s for Fef’s lusus to find out,” Eridan said, returning his smoking rifle back to his sylladex. “And frankly, I think I’ll refrain from eatin’ any more of our kills for the foreseeable future.” A grimace appeared on his face as he recalled the chewy, sinewy meat of the cholerbear. Nepeta had insisted that every part of the animal needed to be used, and she was insistent that they eat the meat raw. After a brief argument, however, he was able to persuade her to let him cook his own portion.

“So what are we gonna do next?” Nepeta asked. She rocked back and forth on the edge of the saddle, the adrenaline of that successful kill still hot and flowing inside of her.

“Next?” Eridan stroked his scarf and glanced at the blood pool below, which had all but dispersed at this point. “I dunno. Normally after I kill something, I just go back to my hive and read a book or whatever. But if you got anything better in mind, I’m open for suggestions.”

Nepeta’s lips scrunched and curled inward in intense thought. Her brows knitted together and it looked as if her whole face would fold in on itself until the emergence of an open-mouthed grin snapped her features back to their natural state. “Let’s walk on the beach! I’ve never got to explore out here befur. I want to feel the sand under my paws!”

Eridan fought the urge to roll his eyes. The fact that she could be so keen to do something that was otherwise mundane and pointless to him was mystifying. Still, there was a wiggler-like enthusiasm in those saucer-like eyes of hers; the more he stared at them, the harder he found it to bite back with a cynical retort. With a curt huff, he pushed his glasses up his nose and snapped the skyhorse’s reins.

“Fine, whatever. It ain’t like I got anything better planned.”

The dark blue waters of the open ocean thinned into white, foamy surf as the skyhorse sailed towards the shore. They were only a few feet above the ground when Nepeta launched off its back and crashed into the sand. She bounced out of the collapsing crater she had created and started running about on all fours, kicking up tall flurries and leaving deep, swirling tracks in her wake. Eridan dismounted and pulled his cape forward to defend himself from the storm.

“Hey, watch it!” he yelled. The pitter patter of sand pelting against his fabric shield may as well have been a barrage of shrapnel.

Nepeta stopped, but momentum carried her forward and downward until everything up to her elbows and knees were buried. “What’s the big deal? It’s only sand.”

Eridan grumbled. “I don’t like sand. It’s coarse an–” He wheezed as Nepeta collided into his gut, toppling him onto his back. A plume of sand shot up around the impact site of their bodies and subsequently rained down on them. Eridan’s eyes clenched shut and he sputtered as his face was bombarded by tiny granules.

Nepeta, her back against the hailstorm, loomed over her pinned target and giggled. “You’re so uptight! You should try having fun once in a while.”

Eridan’s eyes cracked open to glare at her. Under ordinary circumstances, he would have knocked her off of him, dusted himself off, and left her sprawled out on the ground while he rode back to his hive. Once again, however, these misanthropic urges were dulled the more he looked into those golden, bubbly eyes. The cleft curl of her smile encouraged him to smile back, but he was at least able to resist that. Instead, he listlessly dragged his arms in wide sweeping motions along his side, creating shallow arcs in the sand.

“Well fuck it, you got me dirty enough already,” he said with an embellished sigh. “I might as well get a head start in buryin’ myself here along with the last lingerin’ shreds of my dignity.”

Nepeta snorted and threw her hands over her mouth to contain her laughter. “You’re so silly!” she cried, tumbling off of him and kicking her legs out as stifled snickers escaped through her clasped hands. Her mirth subsided once she grew aware of a series of soft pings emitting from her tablet. Fishing it out of her sylladex, she checked her Trollian only for her face to deflate once she saw who was messaging her.

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling  arsenicCatnip [AC]

CT: D --> Good afternoon Nepeta  
CT: D --> An inordinately long time has passed since our last correspondence and I find this to be rather disconcerting  
CT: D --> As such I am curious to know what you are currently up to

Nepeta sucked on her lower lip as she slumped down into the sand. It had only now occurred to her that she hadn’t messaged Equius once since she started hanging out with Eridan. Whether it was due to simple forgetfulness or a subconscious action of keeping him ignorant about her new friendship, she couldn’t say for certain. In either case, she knew of his odd, antiquated distaste of the ocean and sea trolls, the latter of which included Eridan in particular. If she told him where she was right now, let alone who she was with, it would probably give him an aneurysm. Even if she tried lying, he’d be able to know if she was truthful or not; he always did.

Meanwhile, Eridan crawled to his feet and began furiously slapping his cape to shake the sand off. He was running his fingers through his hair, straining out small showers of sand, when he realized that Nepeta wasn’t laughing anymore. Walking towards her, he observed her silently, taking note of how intently her eyes were glued to her tablet and how her fingers fiercely tapped at its plastic corners.

“Someone trollin’ you, Nep?” He craned his neck to get a better look at her screen.

Nepeta’s entire body stiffened and her head jerked around towards the source of the voice. Her pin-prick pupils stared at Eridan in an almost guilty manner, as if he had just caught her looking at something illicit. Once recognition settled in, her shoulders slacked and her throat let loose its grip on her breath, which all rolled out in one condensed, heavy sigh. “Oh, it’s just Equius. He’s just checking up on me.” She thumped her foot softly against the sand as she laughed awkwardly. “He purrobably won’t be happy to know I’m all the way out here with you.”

“Tell him to fuck off then. It ain’t none of his business anyway.” Eridan crossed his arms and grimaced. Equius’s dislike of him was no secret. The fact that he himself put forth an effort to make it clear that the sentiment was mutual didn’t help with that. 

Nepeta’s eyes flitted towards the screen, the cobalt text leering back impatiently. “No, no! I should really answer him.” She pulled out her stylus, which struggled to remain steady within her trembling hand. “It’s no big deal.”

“You’re shakin’ like a fuckin’ leaf, Nep. Looks to me like it’s a very big deal.”

“But he’ll get mad if I don’t!”

Before she could write a single letter, Eridan seized the tablet from her hands. With a flourish of his cape, he twirled around and hurled it down the shoreline once he reached the apex of his rotation. It tumbled through the air before landing a few feet away, jutting from the sand vertically like a shark’s fin. Eridan shifted his gaze back towards Nepeta, his eyes obscured by the glare of his glasses.

“I give a fuck. Show some fuckin’ dignity, Nep. It’s embarrassin’ for me to have to witness.”

Nepeta stared at the discarded tablet, nearly tempted to sprint after it. Her muscles tensed and she leapt forward, but she ended up just flopping belly-first onto the ground. Grains of sand shot up and stuck to her face, but she made no attempt to wipe them off.

“Oh, you’re right!” she groaned. “What kind of meowrail am I if I keep going behind his back like this? I’m really pawful at this, aren’t I?”

Eridan crouched down beside her. He reached out his hand to touch her shoulder, but it froze mid-way through the motion. His arm limply dangled in the air for a moment before he awkwardly pulled it back. Comforting others was not his specialty, and it was a little surreal for him to be on the other side of this scenario for once. It was probably for the best that he stuck to what he knew, rather than make things awkward.

“Hey now,” he said, trying to keep the edge in his voice at a minimum. “I didn’t say anything like that. I didn’t even know you were havin’ issues like that. I always thought you two had a good thing goin’ on together.”

Nepeta puffed out a small breath to blow away a grain that was near her nose. “Well sure, things aren’t usually this bad. I do a lot of shipping you know, and I always thought we were a purrfect match. But… it’s furstrating, you know? He won’t let me do anything fun or hang out with anyone he doesn’t appurrve of.”

“Why bother listenin’ to him at all then?”

“He’ll get mad if I don’t! He can be very furocious and dangerous if I’m not around to calm him down. And if something bad were to happen while he’s mad, it’ll be my fault. I’d have failed my duties as a meowrail. I can’t let up for a moment.”

Eridan cupped his forehead in disbelief. “Sounds like that guy needs to ease up once in a while. It ain’t dignified for a moirail to be breathin’ down their charge’s gills at all hours of the night.”

A bitter laugh cut through Nepeta’s closed lips. “You only say that because Fefurry is the one looking out for you.”

“Fuck that, I don’t need nobody to look out for me.” Eridan scowled and turned away from her. “I don’t even need a moirail at all if we’re bein’ honest here.”

“Whaaat? Come on, everyone should have at least one purrson they can rely on for purrtection!”

“A lot of fuckin’ good that does me. I can handle myself just fine.”

Nepeta wryly smiled. “You mean like with that cholerbear?”

Eridan waved his hand dismissively. “Okay, that was a onetime thing that never would’ve happened if I hadn’t followed your advice.”

Semblances of genuine cheer replaced Nepeta’s sardonic expression. She sat up and finally wiped the sand off her face. “Heehee, okay I apawlogize. But now you’ve purrked my curiosity. You said that you don’t need a moirail, so why are you with Fefurry at all?”

“It’s a necessary means to an end that requires dedication and strategic plannin’. You wouldn’t understand.”

“But it doesn’t sound like you’re purrticularly happy about it.”

“What, no, I’m fine. Like I said, it’s all just a matter of time before my best laid plans can bear me fruit.” Eridan ground against the sand with the toe of his shoe, forming a small, shallow hole. “I just wish we were together in a different way, you know?”

Nepeta cocked her head to the side. “Like… in a different quadrant?”

Eridan’s fins pinned down to his neck. “What!? No, how could you entertain such a fuckin’ appallin’ fantasy like that? What I meant was…” He sucked in air through his teeth as he struggled to think of an explanation. Each second spent in silence made his sinking gut feel a pound heavier.

Nepeta stared quietly for a moment before a huge grin cut across her face. “Oh my god, you have a flushed crush on her! You’re such a bad liar!” She purred as she made a mental note to update her wall as soon as she returned home. “Aww, that’s so cute! I always figured you two would be purrfect together.”

Eridan scowled and pulled his scarf over his mouth to hide the deepening purple tint on his cheeks. “Yeah well, it’s fantastic you think so. Too bad it ain’t your approval I’m seekin’.”

“Well, in my expurrt opinion, if you really want her appurrval, I think you should be more honest! With her and yourself, I mean.”

“What are you implyin’?”

“I can see that you like to purrtend to be an aloof bully all the time, but I’ve got a secret sense when it comes to sniffing out a purrson’s real self. And from what I’ve seen, you’re really sweet on the inside! Maybe if you dropped that furrçade once in a while, you wouldn’t have so much trouble making friends.”

Eridan glanced back to his feet again and shook the sand off of his shoe. He turned back to Nepeta with his eyebrows raised. “Man, you’re pretty good at this advice shit. I should’ve gone to you at the beginnin’ instead of dumpin’ all my problems on Kar.”

Nepeta smiled bashfully. “I’ve just got a lot of expurrience! And really, you shouldn’t be pestering Karkitty about this stuff anyway, that’s what your meowrail is for. If you can’t talk to Fefurry about these feelings, it’s purrobably fur the best that you look elsewhere.”

Eridan’s eyes scanned Nepeta up and down. He couldn’t help but be reminded of Feferi when he looked at her. In addition to other commonalities, they both had an unyielding optimism that, while annoying at times, was rather comforting. Although, one thing that set them apart was that Nepeta treated him like a person, rather than a burden. It was refreshing to be around someone who actively enjoyed his company and was more apt to relate to him than belittle him. Her extensive knowledge of romance was also something that Feferi lacked, and it was a quality that struck him as something a moirail should possess. Eridan rubbed his chin in deep thought as a scheme slowly consumed his tactical mind. If he could somehow convince her to shake off Equius, he could swap her and Feferi around in his quadrants easier than he could castle in chess. 

Stiffening his back to his full posture, he tilted his nose upward at Nepeta and clicked his tongue. “Well, that’s pretty hypocritical of you to say,” he said, flipping up the tall collar of his cape so that it outlined his head like a dark, pointed halo. “Funny how you’re the one preachin’ about honesty when you can’t even perform it yourself.”

Nepeta’s smile dropped off her face. She curled her legs close to her chest and rested her chin on her knees. “I mean… you’re purrobably right. But I don’t think it’s that easy.”

“Sure it is. Just do what you said yourself and look elsewhere.”

“But he needs me, and if I just left him with no one to watch him…”

“There are plenty of sentimental dirt lickers out there who’ll pity a nutcase like him, he’ll be fine. But life ain’t worth livin’ if you keep sacrificin’ your well-bein’ for others.”

Nepeta squeezed her kneecaps. “But Equius is the only quadrant I have. If I leave him, who am I left with?”

Eridan slowly lowered himself down to his knees and leaned towards her. The reflection of her confused eyes overlaid his own within the frames of his glasses. “Me.”

Nepeta planted her hands on the ground to stop herself from reeling over backwards. “You!?”

“I’m only followin’ your advice. I need to look for a new moirail if I’m gonna be honest with Fef. The way I see it, you’re the only troll I know that’s qualified for that position. Logically, this works out for the both of us.”

Nepeta quizzically examined Eridan, her expression still coated with fresh shock. Did he really need her more than Equius? They both had the potential for violence; that initial encounter with Eridan in the woods still lingered in her mind. She also knew about the bad reputation he had with other trolls; Equius in particular would bestow colorful monikers on him like “egotistical sociopath.” Admittedly, she agreed that Eridan was a little overblown and dramatic, but he mostly came across as confused. Whatever arrangement he and Feferi had was clearly ineffective at curing his mountain of issues; he needed a proper moirail to mold him into a more respectable troll. It also didn’t hurt that he was a lot more fun to hang around than Equius. She turned towards the ocean, gazing up at the twin moons suspended just over the foggy horizon. She could have lived her entire life without having seen this if it weren’t for Eridan. But, in all fairness, could she really base the merits of moirallegiance on what sorts of experiences her partner could provide her with?

“Wow,” Nepeta mumbled, her face now a deep olive. She cleared her throat with a nervous giggle. “Sorry, it’s just that I’m not used to being purrposed to like that.”

Eridan puffed some air out of his nostrils derisively, all while trying to ignore the increasing dryness in his mouth. As much as his stoic expression would like to convince her otherwise, laying his true emotions in the open like this was much more nerve wracking than getting pinned by another cholerbear. “All you need to say is yes or no. Although obviously I’m urgin’ you to pick the former since, as previously mentioned, it would be advantageous for us both.”

Nepeta ran her fingers through her hair, her nails lightly dragging along her skin. Her pupils constantly darted downward, in spite of her best efforts to maintain eye contact with him. “I dunno… I feel like I’m under a lot of purressure right now. It’s an impurrtant life choice, after all. I can’t really answer right away.”

Eridan sighed and leaned backwards a few inches. “Fine, I’ll ease the burden then. In fact, it’s probably more beneficial to you that you don’t listen to what I’m sayin’ and make the choice yourself.” He took off his glasses, his stern eyes now unobscured. “Prove to me that you ain’t a gutless land dweller and can make a decision for yourself.”

Nepeta placed both her hands on the sides of her head, pressing down until dull pain pooled under her palms. Although Eridan’s tone was harsh and his words were more accusatory than encouraging, she was still able to detect the underlying sentiments. Tough love was no mystery to her; she got plenty of that from Equius. The values of such lessons like how to act in polite society or how to elevate herself above her caste always went over her head, but Eridan’s messages of self-assurance were concrete and digestible in comparison. If it meant that she could become a stronger troll, maybe keeping him around to dispense such wisdoms would be useful. Even if they came out lined with barbs, she could deal with whatever he dished out; the creatures she hunted were equipped with much sharper things, in any case.

“Okay,” she said at last. Pulling off her hat, she extended her arm towards Eridan. The limb remained fixed, untouched by the tremors of reservations or self-doubt. Her docile eyes, now brimming with confidence, stared into his expectant glare in an almost defiant gesture. “I pick you.”

In one instant, Eridan went from being as rigid as a statue to eagerly clutching Nepeta’s hand. She didn’t even see him move his arm, but she squeezed it tightly. Her lips parted in a broad, toothy smile, growing wider once she saw Eridan mimic her expression. There was no shame in his smile this time around. In all honesty, he was glad to not have to hide it.


	3. The Ritual

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]

CT: D --> Pardon me, heiress  
CC: O)( )(i!  
CC: W)(y are you always so formal w)(enever you message me? I )(ave a name, dummy!  
CT: D --> Err  
CT: D --> Yes, as you say  
CT: D --> Regardless, the reason I am messaging you is to ask if you have spoken to Nepeta at all today  
CC: Nope! )(aven't )(eard )(ide nor )(air from )(er.  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> This is very troubling  
CC: W)(y's t)(at? 38?  
CT: D --> I had messaged her over an hour ago and I have yet to receive a response  
CT: D --> I'm getting a bit worried  
CC: Well, I'm s)(ore it's not)(ing to get worked up about. Maybe s)(e's just away?  
CT: D --> She has her tablet on her person at all times  
CT: D --> The only possible e%planation to why she wouldn't return my message is because she is physically incapable of doing so  
CC: Or s)(e's probubbly busy?  
CT: D --> Too busy to speak with her own moirail  
CT: D --> I find that notion to be both infantile and incredibly short-sighted  
CT: D --> It is more logical to assume that she is being held captive by a yet as of unknown assailant  
CC: U)( )(u)(...  
CC: T)(at's a reelly searious scenario you're porpoising t)(ere.  
CT: D --> Indeed  
CT: D --> And yet you find this to be an appropriate time to persist in making nautical puns  
CC: Saury! I can't )(elp mys)(ellf!  
CT: D --> Stop that  
CT: D --> I am already in a state of agitation and this increasingly asinine discourse is not helping to alleviate that  
CC: OKAY J----E------EZ!  
CC: To get back on tropic )(ere, )(ave you tried asking anyone else? I can't say t)(at I know )(er very well.  
CC: S)(e's fun and all! But t)(e w)(ole role play t)(ing is a little much. Glub.  
CT: D --> I can sympathize  
CT: D --> But yes, I have e%hausted all of our common acquaintances and none of them have any knowledge of her whereabouts  
CT: D --> The only e%ception is your moirail, on the basis that conversing with him makes me  
CT: D --> E%tremely uncomfortable  
CC: I can s)(rimpat)(ize. )(e)(e!  
CT: D --> I am therefore circumventing that encounter by requesting that you talk to him in my steed  
CT: D --> I mean stead  
CC: O)( )(o! So w)(o's t)(e big foolis)( pun-making grub NOW?  
CT: D --> I apologize  
CT: D --> They tend to slip out when I am nervous  
CC: But it's funny you s)(ould mention )(im, because )(e's been giving me t)(e silent treatment for a w)(ile now!  
CC: -Ever since I told )(im to open up )(is s)(ell and make some friends, it's like )(e's tossed me to t)(e wayside like a piece of driftwood. Glub.  
CT: D --> Really  
CT: D --> So you have no clue as to where he is now  
CC: Well, I did just )(aul a big snake to my lusus a w)(ile ago.  
CC: T)(at was definitely –Eri's )(andiwork, but it's strange.  
CC: )(e always lets me know before)(and w)(en )(e goes )(unting, but I guess )(e couldn't even offer me t)(at courtesy!  
CT: D --> Would you assume that he is still there  
CC: Normally )(e'll just fly back to )(is )(ive, but I guess I can't count on normalcy w)(en it comes to )(im anymore.  
CT: D --> If I were to venture down to the shore, would you be able to guide me to the appro%imate loca%on of his last known whereabouts  
CC: U)(m, I guess. Gl'bby doesn't like it w)(en I leave t)(e )(ive, but it s)(ould be okay as long as we don't stray too far from s)(ore.  
CC: W)(y t)(oug)(? Do you t)(ink )(e'll know w)(ere s)(e is?  
CT: D --> Perhaps it is false intuition  
CT: D --> But I am determined to pursue every last lead until I am 100% assured of my moirail's safety  
CT: D --> E%pect to see me shortly

centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]

“Wait! You… want to do it here?”

Eridan shrugged his shoulders. “Why not? There’s no sense in waitin’ on makin’ this thing official. I couldn’t imagine how embarrassin’ it’d be if we didn’t consummate until later on only to find that it ain’t gonna work out between us.”

“Shouldn’t we just go back to your hive?” Nepeta looked about warily, as if someone would pounce out from the shadows and discover them. They’d have a hard time trying to hide from her though, as there was nothing aside from a flat plain of sand to her right and the lapping waves to her left.

“Nep, it’s nearly sunup. Nobody’s gonna be at the beach at this hour. I can assure you that your modesty won’t be compromised.”

Nepeta pursed her lips. The only troll she had ever gotten that intimate with was Equius, and “intimate” would be the last word she’d use to describe that. It was no different from any other activity they’d do as moirails, about as natural as giving him a hug. But exposing herself to another troll, one who was practically a stranger to her a few days ago, felt much more daunting and filthy for some reason. Who was to say that Eridan wouldn’t try to breach her trust and mutate this into a more sexual situation? With a sigh, she placed a palm on her face, resisting the urge to smack herself. She parted her fingers and looked closely at Eridan’s face. His squinting, deadpan eyes stared back all while his foot tapped the sand expectantly. Nothing about his gaze suggested any underlying, sinister motives, but then again, why should it? This was completely normal behavior, after all; she of all trolls should know that. If anything, following his example and exhibiting grace under pressure would affirm that she was making the right choice. Doubt couldn’t plague her mind anymore. She had to prove to both him and herself that she was more assertive.

“Okay… but you gotta do me first.” Nepeta mustered up some pep to put on a smile while she pulled off her pants and underwear. “This is all moving a little too fast, so just give me some time to adjust, okay?” Taking a seat on the sand, she bent her knees and splayed out her legs as far as they could go. A jungle of thick, matted hair draped over her naked crotch like a curtain and her eyes gazed at Eridan, patiently waiting for him to part it.

The edge of Eridan’s lips twitched. Rarely did he ever find himself on the giving end of these encounters. He was much more experienced in receiving hand jobs, in one part because he was the one who needed to be calmed down the most. A bigger reason why he refused to participate was that performing such an action on her would only reaffirm the infuriating reality that was his and Feferi’s moirallegiance. Flushed couples would rarely ever do such a thing together, as it was so intertwined with conciliatory courtship that it was essentially an unspoken symbol of it. There were much more intimate things they could be doing anyway, things that Eridan could only experience with Feferi in the realms of his wildest fantasies. By fingering her, he would essentially be admitting that his aspirations were futile, that they would never transcend to another quadrant and that this was the closest to her nook that he would ever hope to get. As a result, he knew quite a few tricks in order to get out of giving them whenever she wanted a turn.

“Ah gee, I would Nep,” he said as he clutched his wrist, “but the thing is my wrist is achin’ something fierce.” His fingers stiffly curled in a mock display of pain. “Ugh. Yeah, I dunno if I can do you much relief with this thing.”

Nepeta frowned sympathetically, but made no motion to stand up. “Aww, poor boy! But you can just use your other hand, can’t you?”

“Well, I mean, I was never the ambidextrous type.”

“That’s fine! I’m pawsitive you can manage.”

Eridan swallowed a groan. Obviously she wasn’t going to be deterred. Kneeling down in front of her, he put his glasses back on to get a better look at what he was dealing with. Underneath those baggy sweatpants hid a pair of lean legs without a spot of fat on them. Pale skin stretched taut around hardened muscles, which tensed and bulged as Nepeta bent her knees and shifted her legs against the sand. Eridan knew she was strong; he had witnessed her strength firsthand back in the woods. But stripped of her bulky layers and placed right before his eyes, the secreted reality of her strength was made all too visible. If he were a weaker troll, he might have even been intimidated by her, but Feferi’s body wasn’t much different than hers. That was one more thing they had in common, he idly thought: terrifying strength tucked away in svelte bodies.

Eridan heaved a sigh as he hesitantly placed his hand on top of her crotch. His digits delved into the unkempt nest that was her pubes, their wiry texture sending shivers up his arm as they bristled against his skin. He knew about land dwellers and their body hair, but he didn’t know it could get this excessive. It was like an untouched patch of rainforest, left to its own devices since inception without ever having felt the touch of steel blades. Once he touched the moist, fleshy surface of her nook, he pushed his index finger against the center in an attempt to get it inside. A wince rocked Nepeta’s body, pulling him from his concentration, and he looked up at her. She was biting her lower lip in a display of mild discomfort.

“Um,” Nepeta vocalized timidly, “shouldn’t you lube it up first or something?”

Eridan scoffed. “I was gettin’ to that. I know what I’m doin’.” He pulled his arm back and spat a glob of saliva into his hand before rubbing it all over his finger. Once it was suitably moistened, he returned it back to her nook, this time meeting less resistance as he eased it along her muscular walls. He was lying earlier when he said he wasn’t ambidextrous, but his movements were still clumsy. His finger remained rigid and it probed about blindly, as if in search for a spot that would elicit a positive reaction. This tactic sometimes worked with Feferi in the rare occasion that she was adamant enough to force him to do this with her. He had a general feel for this area, but he never put forth a serious effort to learn the ins and outs of the female anatomy; he just assumed he wouldn’t ever have to do it again.

Nepeta hummed while Eridan poked and prodded at her nethers, feeling a twitch in her eyelid whenever he jabbed too roughly. This guy probably didn’t know the difference between a shock nub and a blister from the way he was bumbling about. She could only feel immense sympathy towards Feferi right now.

“Here... Let me just…” She took Eridan’s hand, squeezing her fingers between the gaps of his to spread them out and push them against her outer lips. An inhaled breath hitched inside her throat as she slowly eased her entrance open with his widening fingers. Her knuckles brushed against his, gently guiding them to move in vertical ministrations to massage her outer walls all while encouraging his index finger to venture deeper inside of her. After cautiously separating her hand from his, a pleasured, encouraging sigh rolled out of her mouth once it was clear that Eridan could perform the motions unassisted.

“There you go,” Nepeta purred. “I think you’ve got it now… oh, one more thing.” She seized Eridan’s thumb and directed it towards her clitoris. Like the press of a button, a jolt shot up through her entire body and sent her head lolling backwards. She eased him into a few, quick motions before her arm fell to the side like a wet rag. It may be a far cry from the attentive and, shockingly enough, tender treatment she’d receive under Equius, but fingering was still fingering, and it felt good no matter who was doing it. If this union was as compatible as she was hoping it would be, she could always give him a crash course on this subject later on.

Eridan’s mouth screwed up, a little frustrated that he was being pushed around. Feferi never complained about his performance, so he had always had it in his head that he was a natural. Begrudgingly, he persisted in miming the motions she had laid out for him, eliciting the occasional gasp or murmur from his recipient. Gradually his fingers familiarized themselves inside the humid interior of her nook, smoothing out the creases and venturing deeper until his knuckles brushed against her skin. His eyes, still narrowed in annoyance, carefully surveyed the reactions of her body as his digits wormed about. Caressing the edges of her lips caused the breath to hitch in her throat, while focusing attention on her outer nub sent miniscule tremors down her legs and have her collected breath spill out in a yowl-like moan. Ever the strategist, he kept mental tabs on this physical feedback to find which motion drew out the most positive response. By maximizing her pleasure, she’d reach climax faster, and he’d be able to wash his hands of this mess figuratively and literally. Fortunately for Eridan, his desire would be signaled by a muffled squeal that stilled his hand. The muscles surrounding his finger flexed outward, expelling a sizeable surge of green genetic fluid that splashed onto his hand and the sand below. Eridan pulled away to examine the green goop dribbling from his fingers before glancing back at Nepeta.

“So was it good?” From the corner of his eye, he observed thin, sticky webs of drying fluid being created between the spaces of his fingers as he spread them apart. No matter what color it was, this stuff always seemed to carry that slimy, mucus-like texture that made his skin crawl whenever he made contact with it.

“Mmm,” Nepeta moaned as she leaned her head back. With stars sprinkling her vision, she weakly lifted her hand with her thumb raised. “That was purretty impressive. For a beginner, that is.”

Eridan wanted to rebuke that statement and clarify that he had, in fact, done the same thing with Feferi a number of times. Good judgment silenced him, though; saying something like that would only elicit laughter, and he wanted to get his treatment before the mood was ruined. With a flick of his wrist to rid his fingers of the juices coating them, he shuffled backwards and spread his legs to prepare himself for Nepeta.

Nepeta took a few silent moments for the tingling warmth in her nook to dissipate before putting her pants back on. She stretched her legs to their full length and sprung upright to crouch in front of Eridan, her eyes glimmering with eager anticipation. His pants and underwear were brought down to his ankles, and her eyes slowly traveled up along his legs in close examination. There was no real muscle definition to speak of, which made sense to her; reading books, firing guns, and relying on one’s lusus for transport weren’t exactly the best forms of exercise. However, he wasn’t necessarily out of shape either. Lean was the best way she could describe him. Like a pole, or perhaps a sword, if she were to use some military imagery that he’d approve of. One more thing that stood out to her was that he apparently shaved his legs. Taking off her glove, she pressed her bare hand atop his skin, dragging it slightly behind her line of sight. No, he didn’t shave them; there wasn’t a single follicle to be felt at all. She was just about to ask him about this until her eyes reached his crotch. Something was off with what she was seeing, but it took a few seconds for her brain to fully process it, which was signaled by an amused snort.

“Oh wow! You’re completely bald!” Nepeta giggled as she caressed Eridan’s crotch, her hand circling around his genitals teasingly and curiously. The texture was uniform and silky, like what she imagined a porpoise must feel like. None of the miniscule bumps or wrinkles that were present on a regular troll’s skin could be felt, no matter how hard she pressed down and searched. She wondered if all sea trolls felt like this, or if the claims of his body’s immaculateness had actual merit; the former was much more likely, to her. 

Eridan huffed and leaned backwards to get more comfortable. “What’s the big deal? Sea trolls don’t have pubic hair. Or any body hair, for that matter. I guess it’s some sorta evolutionary trait we developed to better adapt to livin’ underwater. Hair ain’t exactly hydrodynamic, you know. But yeah, personally after witnessin’ that fuckin’ mop you’ve got down there, I say we really lucked out in that department.”

Nepeta was only partly paying attention to what he was saying. Her palm stroked the base of the bulge before flipping over and having the back end drag across. Equius always kept his pubes very neatly trimmed, so this was hardly much of a difference. “Y’know, I kinda expected it to have little gills or fins or something,” she mused, gripping the semi-erect length and squeezing the base of its shaft. Texture aside, it was visually identical to Equius’s, just a slender tube covered in thin gray skin. She felt a little guilty to keep comparing the two, but since Equius’s bulge was the only reference point to what one looked like, it couldn’t be helped. They were roughly the same length, but Eridan’s was much less girthy. That combined with the lack of hair made her wonder how much easier she would be able to handle it.

Eridan shuffled uncomfortably and scoffed. “It’s a bone bulge not a fish. I don’t absorb oxygen through my fuckin’ genitalia and it ain’t like it’s swimmin’ anywhere either, so fins would be pointless, t– guh!”

Eridan shivered as Nepeta, without warning, brought her face down to his bulge and gave it a drawn out lick from base to tip. In terms for what was acceptable behavior in pale interactions, using one’s tongue on a partner’s genitalia was a bit of a gray area. However, it was generally frowned upon by the upper echelons of society, as many viewed it as a strictly concupiscent activity. But Nepeta was nothing if not a generous moirail. If she thought something would make her partner feel good, she was willing to do it, social taboos be damned.

“Shh, relax,” she whispered. Her fingers squeezed down on his shaft in meticulous rhythm, making it feel as if her hand was crawling and down it as she pumped. “Let all that good you’re feeling push out the bad.”

Eridan’s earfins flared and his arms stiffened to prevent him from falling completely backwards. The soft tissue of his bulge swelled and quivered under Nepeta’s meticulous, gentle approach. Each movement of her digits felt calculated, as if she had done this enough times to know how much pressure she needed to extract the right amount of pleasure. Any other troll would be humbled to be treated this way after putting up such a lackluster performance. However, even if Eridan was the humble type, which he decidedly wasn’t, his mind was swirling too fervently to process any type of sensation other than unbridled bliss.

Nepeta watched Eridan’s squirming in silent satisfaction. The normally aloof and caustic boy, who just a few minutes ago was talking down to her, was helpless under her touch. She could take down every beast in the forest and it still couldn’t replicate how much power she felt in this moment. It was tempting to halt her ministrations, just long enough for him to notice. Forcing him to beg for her to keep going would give him a well-deserved dose of humility, but that sort of behavior didn’t belong in the realm of moirallegiance. They were already treading a thin enough line between quadrants from her earlier actions; throwing teasing and edgeplay into the mix would only make things blurrier. Instead, she brought her free hand over to cradle his shame globes all while continuing to pump and stroke his ever-stiffening length. The idea was to make him feel good, and she’d be remiss if she let herself get distracted from that.

Eventually, the tremors in Eridan’s bulge intensified and sent rolling waves along Nepeta’s palm. Knowing intuitively that his climax was about to occur, she redirected the organ off to the side right before the viscous purple goo had a chance to shoot onto her. Heavy, long strands of fluid pulsed onto the sand, accompanied by Eridan’s muffled curses. His elbows caved in and he flopped onto the sand, panting heavily as the last of his fluid spurted out of his engorged bulge.

“Sweet fuckin’ hell,” he gasped out. “You don’t fuck around, Nep.” There was certainly a difference between the orgasms he’d receive under Feferi and the one he just experienced. While those under the former category were fueled by flushed lust and the excitement of having the object of his desires touch him so intimately, he could feel no sensation of arousal at all in this moment. His slowly deflating erection aside, the blanket of refreshment that currently covered him felt more akin to having just received a massage rather than a sex act performed on him. It was oddly calming, as if all his anxieties and troubles had been washed clean from his mind and had been expelled from his body alongside his fluids. If this was what the difference between a pale and flushed encounter felt like, he could certainly get used to it.

Nepeta purred contentedly and pulled his pants back up his legs before lying down on the sand beside him. She laid an arm over his torso and scooted closer until they were pressed against each other. “That’s how it feels when you’re meowrails with an expurrienced purrfessional.”

Eridan reflexively cringed under the close contact, but he moved an arm to drape around her shoulder. The heat from his softening bulge and the warmth of her body combined with the coolness of the coastal air sent mixed signals that his muddled mind couldn’t process all at once. Taking off his glasses, his heavy eyelids snapped shut and he prepared to ease into rest. The steady lapping of the waves against the shore and Nepeta’s heavy breathing filled his ears, obscuring the soft crushing of sand made by two pairs of feet advancing towards them.


	4. The Confrontation

“Eridan? Nepeta?”

The familiar voice washed over Eridan like cold water, sending his body upright before his eyes could fully open. He frantically blinked, which did nothing to dispel the haze around him since he wasn’t wearing his glasses. But he didn’t need his eyesight to know who that voice belonged to, and Feferi was standing close enough to him that he could see her anyway. He had to squint a little to identify the troll right beside her, but the cracked sunglasses and stink of fresh sweat quickly gave Equius away. They loomed over him and Nepeta, a characteristically aggravated expression plastered on Equius’s face and Feferi wearing a more curious one.

“What in the everlovin’ fuck are you doin’ here?” Eridan demanded. At this point, he grew aware of the dull pain that was throbbing in his arms, and he realized that it was because Nepeta had been squeezing them this entire time. He turned to look at her, but she was hunched over and doing her best to hide behind him. Her eyes nervously peeked over his shoulder, partially obscuring the look of abject dread she had on her face.

“I believe we shall be the ones performing the interrogations, seadweller.” Equius sneered and shifted his gaze to Nepeta. “Nepeta, why have you neglected to answer my messages? Also, why are consorting with this scoundrel? I demand an explanation.” 

Nepeta’s eyes dropped to the sand, not wanting to look at Equius directly. Those dark glasses did nothing to shield the disapproval smoldering within his eyes.

“She doesn’t gotta say anything.” Eridan put on his glasses to get a clearer view of Equius’s face before countering with a sneer of his own. “This is her business, not yours.”

“I am her moirail. Her safety is indeed my business.”

“Well clearly she’s in one piece, which should be the start and end of any inquiry as to her personal wellbein’. So with that matter settled, if you’d fuck off back to that land dwellin’ pit you crawled out of, we can end this pointless and, honestly, embarrassin’ exchange.”

“No. Due to the simple fact that she is in close proximity to you, a megalomaniacal lunatic with a penchant for bloodshed and destruction, her life is at risk. I demand that she comes to me this instant.”

Nepeta made a motion to stand up, but Eridan seized her wrist and pinned it to the ground.

“Ain’t you got hear ducts? I said she ain’t gotta listen to you.”

“Yes, she will.”

“No, she won’t.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Okay you two, let’s settle down and start from the beginning.” Feferi’s unwavering smile had little effect on the two trolls, who continued to glare daggers at each other. “Eridan, why don’t you just calmly explain to Equius why you and Nepeta are out all the way out h–” The words evaporated in her open mouth as her eyes drifted down at the sand. Dried splotches of darkened purple and green fluids coagulated amongst the grains and left little to the imagination as to what substance they were. Feferi’s now awestruck eyes looked back to Eridan and Nepeta. “Did… Did you guys really just, uhm…” A deep blush rose to her cheeks as she coughed into her hand. “Out in the open? Wow. Glub…”

Equius followed her gaze, only for his teeth to gnash against each other once he saw what she did. “This… This is absolutely despicable,” he spat. His words were punctuated by abrupt puffs of hot breath that shot through the gaps of his clenched teeth. He pointed an admonishing finger at Nepeta. “Nepeta, I have explicitly forbidden you from fraternizing with the disreputable nobility, and you have defied this order beyond all reasonable measure. I am deeply disappointed in you.” The finger then shifted towards Eridan. “And you. Separate yourself from my moirail at once. I refuse to stand idle and allow your lubricious morals to corrupt her further.”

Each word directed at Nepeta made her wince as if she was being repeatedly struck in the gut. Swallowing the amassing lump of guilt in her throat, she opened her mouth to say something only to be interrupted by a contemptuous cough.

“And what authority do you presume you have to dictate that breed of nonsense towards her and I?” Eridan asked.

“As her moirail, I object to this union. She will not sully herself by having a miscreant such as you as her matesprit.”

A grin cut along Eridan’s face. “Matesprit? As much as I’d relish bein’ the harbinger of your dismay in that regard, this little tryst wasn’t flushed in nature.” He stood to his full posture, pulling Nepeta by the hand to have her stand beside him. His hand squeezed hers tightly, hoping to draw Equius’s attention to it. “The two of us just consummated a true and ardent act of paleness, the likes of which you’d only wish to experience. You ain’t her fuckin’ moirail anymore and, ergo, what I said earlier about her not havin’ to listen to your frivolous twaddle is reaffirmed.”

“Excuse me, WHAT?”

The confident grin dropped off Eridan’s face and his earfins shuddered at the sound of her voice. He was so focused on Equius that he had forgotten that she was still here. His head reluctantly shifted towards his former moirail, who looked upon him with a mixture of confusion, hurt, anger, and even a bit of relief splashed on her face. It was as if she couldn’t decide what to be feeling right now. “Uh… okay, Fef, I understand that this ain’t exactly the best way to break this news to you. Even the best amongst us have our missteps. I had just experienced a very intense moment full of emotions and pale passion cloudin’ my judgment, so I’ll fully admit to not havin’ planned everything out as well as I normally do here. But hey, maybe this ain’t so bad, you know? Now that everything’s laid out in the open, there’s no need to be gettin’ upset, right?”

“I don’t even know why I’m surprised, Eridan.” Her words were frigid. Eridan only ever heard that tone on rare occasions, each one corresponding to a time when he majorly fucked up. “I mean, when was the last time you put forth an effort to make this quadrant work between us? You never talk to me about your problems, and you never seem to care about mine either. It takes two trolls to make a moirallegiance work, right? But I’m always the one putting the sea lion’s share of work to keep you under control and you never reciprocate. So… what are you trying to tell me with this? Do you even want to be with me?”

Guilt weighed Eridan’s lips down as her words pierced him. “Yes, Fef, of course I want to be with you. That’s exactly the goal I’m tryin’ to accomplish here. If you’d just hear me out instead of always accusin’ me of wrongdoin’, it’s incredibly obvious.”

Feferi crossed her arms. “Enlighten me then. How does cheating on me with Nepeta help preserve our moirallegiance?”

“God dammit I ain’t talkin’ about moirallegiance. I meant–”

“I’ve had enough of this,” Equius interrupted. “This petty squabbling does not concern me, and it will cease immediately. This declaration of moirallegiance is a farce. I will take my rightful moirail and leave you seadwellers to sort this matter amongst yourselves.”

“That’s enough, Equius!” Nepeta yelled. She took a step out from the cover of Eridan’s body. The grip she had on his hand tightened so that his fingers were uncomfortably clumped on top of each other. “Stop acting like you can boss everyone around! What the hell is your deal?”

“Language, Nepeta.”

The stern tone made her flinch, but she clenched her teeth and glared at him. “No, I can say whatever the hell I want now! I can make my own choices without your purrmission.”

Equius’s jaw flung open. He balled his fists and sweat continued to dribble out of every pore on his body. “I think we should change the subject. Your abhorrent language is offending my ears.”

“Oh yeah? Well your snootiness is offending MY damn ears!” Although her expression remained fierce, she had to put forth an effort to keep a smile from breaking out. It was fun to let loose in front of him for once.

“I command you to stop. If you utter one more swear, I shall be forced to discipline you.”

Eridan, who had been uselessly trying to fight against Nepeta’s crushing hold on his hand, snapped his attention back to Equius. His eyebrow cocked up in bewilderment. “Discipline? What the fuck, Zahhak, what are you even threatenin’ her with?”

Equius sucked in a long breath through his teeth. This hesitation, however brief, instantly registered to Eridan as a stalling tactic. This was a troll who was not used to having his threats being challenged. “That does not concern you, sea dweller. This matter will be resolved once my moirail and I leave this place and reconvene to my hive. I must correct her abominable behavior posthaste.”

“Mother Grub wept, you’re a fuckin’ embarrassment.” Eridan’s head swiveled to face Nepeta while he threw his free arm out, exasperatedly gesturing at Equius. “These are empty threats, Nep. This guy can put on a fantastic performance like he’s some grand general, but as soon as he’s put on the spot he can’t even make up a convincin’ lie and that’s a fact. The idea that you were ever intimidated by this clown is a mystery beyond even my intuition.”

“It is dangerously unwise of you to persist in making these claims about me.” The muscles in Equius’s arms bulged as he raised his hands so that they were level with his chest. “I strongly advise that you cease these provocations, lest you experience the repercussions of your slander.”

“Hey now,” Feferi said, “Let’s not get too crayfishzy here.” She reached a hand out to touch his shoulder, but pulled back after noticing just how sweaty he was. The slick layer of moisture coating his entire arm was almost reflective.

“Astoundingly forced pun aside, listen to the voice of reason there.” Eridan’s eyes scrolled up and down Equius’s fighting stance, his deadpan expression unchanging. “I’m sure I can speak for everyone when I say that we don’t want to see you gettin’ so worked up that you feel the urge to drop your shorts and start fondlin’ yourself into a fervor.”

“Stop.” Equius’s teeth started to weakly groan as he clenched his jaw even tighter. Every muscle in his body trembled in aggravated unison. “You are making me disproportionately furious. If you continue, I fear I will not be able to control myself for much longer.”

“Yes all that sweatin’ and posturin’ you’re doin’ is really makin’ me quiver in my boots. You know, there’s a real injustice circulatin’ within our friend group when I’m the one nobody gives the time of day to when you’re an exponentially worse person than me. I mean come on, you’ve got issues literally pourin’ out of your orifices.”

“Eridan, will you PLEASE stop provoking him?” A tinge of nervousness clung on the edge of Feferi’s voice.

Eridan couldn’t help but chuckle. “Come on, Fef, you and I both know he won’t do shit. His land dwellin’ code of so-called honor won’t allow it.”

The sand crunched under Equius’s boot as he took a step forward. The weighty sound still hung in the air when a second footstep created its twin. With a menacing hiss, Equius shot his arm out and seized Eridan’s throat before the sea troll had any time to react. Digits curled against flesh, molding deep indents into his skin as Equius effortlessly lifted him high enough that his feet dangled an inch off the ground. One errant flex of his fingers could easily rupture Eridan’s esophagus, but Equius kept his entire body rigid, exerting complete control of his movements despite the torrent of rage roiling inside of him.

“Not one more word out of your impudent mouth.” The rows of jagged, broken teeth were fixed together as Equius’s lips formed his words. “You will renounce this ludicrous attempt at courting my moirail at once, or I will ensure that you live the rest of your days as a mute.”

Eridan kicked and gasped as his throat was squeezed to the width of a straw. His earfins slapped against his gills, an involuntary reflex to try and force in water that wasn’t there. Oxygen trickled into his panicked lungs in small, intermittent bursts and everything in his field of vision began to blur as if his glasses had been knocked off. Darkness encroached on the edges of the fog, but in the center of it all, Equius’s ruthless glare was clear-cut.

“Equius stop!” Nepeta screamed, lunging forward and grabbing hold of his hand. Her fingers uselessly wriggled in their attempt to force themselves under his to dislodge them. Feferi soon joined to help, but even with their combined strength, loosening his grip was like wrestling with a vice.

“Let him go Equius!” Feferi grunted. “You’re going to kill him!”

“I have no intention of doing such a thing.” Equius’s stare remained fixed on Eridan, ignoring the trolls clawing at his hand. “I am only interested in making this experience excruciatingly painful for him until he complies.”

“F-fuckin’ hell!” Eridan managed to gag out. “What do you even want me to say? It ain’t my fault she’s sick to death of you!” His legs flailed wildly in the hopes that he could kick him, but he continued to strike nothing but air.

“Liar. You’ve poisoned her mind. She would never willingly leave me by her own volition.”

“That’s not true!” Nepeta’s nails dug into Equius’s knuckles, drawing out trickles of dark blue blood. “It’s not his fault, Equius! I agreed to all of this. If you want to be furryous at anyone, then it should be me!”

Equius shifted his focus to Nepeta, a small frown now on his face. “Your statements are nonsensical, Nepeta. If you are serious in dissolving our quadrant, you surely would have a valid reason for it. Why would you leave me when I have been nothing but an attentive and compassionate moirail?”

Nepeta’s lip quivered and she struggled to maintain eye contact with him. The kaleidoscopic reflections of her simpering face within his dark glasses caused her mouth to screw up into a defiant scowl. “You’re a good purrson, Equius, but you’re too purrsessive! You never appurrve of anything I want to do, so I end up not doing much of anything. These past few days with Eridan have been more fun than I’ve had in a long time, but the only way I could do that was to avoid your supurrvision. It made me realize that I can’t take it anymeowre.”

Equius stared at her for a long while before letting loose a disaffected huff. “I was only acting in your best interest. Need I remind you that I place your safety as my highest priority?”

“I don’t need to be looked after! I can take care of myself. I take down big dangerous animals and I know how to fight. YOU’RE the one who needs to be watched all the time! I mean, look at what you’re doing!”

Equius turned back to the squirming troll in his grasp, as if he had forgotten he was there. The color drained from his face and he gingerly set Eridan down on his feet. The hand that once held him trembled as its fingers weakly flexed outward.

Eridan clutched his screaming throat, gagging and gulping down as much air as his mouth could fit. The shallow grooves left by Equius’s fingers would no doubt form bruises that would last a few days. “You fuckin’ sweat-drenched meathead! I oughta decimate you right now!” He was seconds away from pulling Ahab’s Crosshairs out of his sylladex before the forked head of a trident was swung down in front of his face.

“Okay, that’s ENOUGH!” Feferi’s twitching lips parted into a scowl, uncovering a jagged array of gleaming white teeth. “I am NOT prepared to clean up any chum today. Both of you need to calm the fuck down!”

Eridan sneered but ultimately slunk back at the sight of her ferocity. From behind the trident’s prongs, he glowered at Equius, who was still transfixed by his quivering hand and now kneeling down on one knee. Nepeta crouched down to his level and stared at him intently, but he made no motion acknowledging her presence. The heat in her eyes swelled as tears started to brew behind them, but she tensed all the muscles in her face to contain them.

“Can you compurrhend what I have to deal with?” She kept her voice low to prevent it from cracking. “Between making sure that you don’t hurt anybody and having to listen to your orders all the time, it’s all too much fur me. It’s like I’m locked in a kennel and there’s nobody who’ll let meowt. This is why I have to move on, Equius. I’m sorry.”

“But what am I to do now?” A burgeoning sadness welled in Equius’s voice. “I have already fallen victim to my aggression today. Without your pacifying influence, the frequency of these incidents will no doubt increase.”

“You’ll just have to find someone else.” Her hands trembled at her sides and though her eyes constantly tried darting away from his face, she forced them to remain fixed. “You heard what Fefurry said: it takes two trolls to make a meowrallegiance work purroperly, and you do too much taking without giving back. I know you need me, but Eridan needs me, too. And I also believe he can help make me a better purrson at the same time.”

“Is that what you truly believe?”

Nepeta nodded wordlessly. With a sigh, Equius brought himself to his full posture and separated himself from Nepeta before looking down at her. The darkness of his glasses continued to obscure his true emotions. “You do realize that according to the hemospectrum, I could easily force you to remain my moirail upon threat of culling.”

“Bullshit,” Eridan spat. “I can wipe you out right now for even entertainin’ that kind of diabolical trickery and nobody would bat an–”  


“Let me finish, cretin.” Equius turned back to Nepeta. “With that said, I suppose I am too fond of you to keep you in a relationship you are unhappy with. I relieve you of your obligations as my moirail, and I will take my leave.”

The remnants of Nepeta’s self-control crumbled away as hot, olive green droplets budded in her eyes. She hopped forward to give Equius a quick, very tight hug before slinking back to her original position. “I’m so sorry…” Shallow hiccups rocked her chest as she whispered those words.

“As am I.” Equius turned and trudged away from the group, his heavy boots leaving deep tracks behind him.

Once he was far enough away for his body to completely fade from view, Nepeta sniffled and dragged the sleeve of her coat across her face, drenching it in tears and mucus. Eridan slowly approached from behind and placed a reluctant hand on her shoulder. In response to the contact, Nepeta wheeled around and entrapped him in a firm embrace. Eridan cringed as the moisture from her face seeped into his clothes, but he rubbed her back reassuringly.

“Look Nep, things may seem bad now, but we’ll make it past this. Romance is a fickle thing. We never know who we’ll end up with and if the bonds we forge are permanent. Hell, the very fact that I’m allowin’ your disgustin’ fluids to defile my clothes is livin’ proof of this.”

The warmth of a shaky sigh radiated across Eridan’s shoulder. “Thanks, Eridan…” Nepeta’s words were muffled by a mouthful of his cape. “I just really hope he’ll be okay. I feel so guilty leaving him like this. Even if we can’t be meowrails, he’s still my very good furiend.”

“He’ll be fine. If you’re truly that worried, you can always play matchmaker with him and try and fulfill your inane shippin’ bullshit.”

Nepeta pondered this. If anyone had any clue as to the chemistry between members of their friend group, it’d be her. She lifted her head away from Eridan, her moist face having now mustered a smile. “Okay… I think I can give that a shot!”

Eridan smirked and gave her a few pats on the shoulder. “There, a happy endin’ for everyone. You’re all so fortunate to have me around to solve these dilemmas for you.”

“The ones caused by you in the first place, you mean?” Feferi interjected with an awkward smile, having watched the entire scene play out in curious silence.

Eridan waved his hand dismissively. “Who’s to say what or who is the cause of them? What matters is everything is fixed now.”

“Is it? I mean, Nepeta and Equius might be squared away, but what about us?” She rubbed a hand across her face, bringing forth an expression of deep concern. “I understand if you don’t feel that way about me anenomemore, but I can’t say I’m on board with you running around without me keeping those, err, aspirations of yours in check.”

“I appurrciate the concern, Fefurry,” Nepeta spoke up, “but there’s no claws for alarm. You won’t have to worry about him getting into trouble with me watching him.”

Feferi eyed Nepeta warily before her gaze drifted towards Equius’s trail of craterous footprints. If she was able to keep that sort of monstrous strength under control, then maybe a genocidal sea troll wouldn’t be too drastic of a change.

“Okay,” Feferi sighed, feeling both exasperated and as if a massive weight was pulled off of her. “As long as you feel like you can handle him, I don’t have any objections. However, please please PLEASE do not hesitate to troll me if you have any issues with him!”

“Fef, for fuck’s sake,” Eridan groaned.

“Don’t you snapper at me, mister! If anything, I’m letting you off the hook easy, so you should be more grateful!”

Nepeta giggled. “You can count on me! I’ll tackle him like a furocious purredator if he even thinks about getting up to no good.”

Feferi made a toothy smile as a sign of acknowledgment. “Well, I hope you two get along swimmingly! I oughta head back to my hive before my lusus starts to worry.” With a parting wave, she skipped towards the lapping surf and dove into the water in one fluid, graceful motion.

As soon as she disappeared under the surface, Nepeta thrust her elbow sharply into Eridan’s ribs. “Why didn’t you purrpose your flushed feelings to her just then!? That was the purrfect oppurrtunity!”

Eridan winced. “Use your think pan, Nep. I already made one tactical blunder today what with droppin’ the news of our breakup on her like that. Dumpin’ more needless drama on her like that would only make things worse. I gotta go back to my hive and regroup, think up a new strategy, and then put my plan into action.”

Nepeta rolled her eyes. “You’ll purrobably just end up scaring her anyway! It sounds like you could use some help from a clawlified romance expurrt.”

“Yeah like I’m gonna seek advice for my romantic aspirations from some girl who lives in a cave.”

“Well yeah, duh!” Nepeta hopped onto his back and slung her arms over his shoulders. “That’s what meowrails are for, right?”

Eridan grunted under her weight, but hooked her legs under his arms to help maintain her balance. “We can debate that some another time,” he grumbled as he plodded toward his patiently awaiting lusus. Hopefully he could get them both to their hives before sunrise.


End file.
